Its been a long,slow day.Sometimes, when I get in my head, things seem so hard. Then I remember the days back home. GOD is sufficent. My hardest day clean and sober doesnt touch the pain I felt on "the good days" when I was using. I just have to keep on keeping on. I am looking foward to tomorrow. Damn these growing pains. This to shall pass. Goodnite to all.

Another day. Spent today filling out paper work to go back to school. God willing it will all fall into place. It sure seems like I have to pray a bunch these days. Maybe no more than others, but it feels that way.I wonder if GOD looks down at me ,shaking his head at the craziness i can create. I sure do. Self will is a bitch. Anyway I am clean and sober another day. I am a better person today than yesterday. If I have enough days, I might turn out alright!!

Happy Birthday to my love. May GOD bless and keep you.

I AM NOT READY FOR THE BEGINNING OF THIS STORY. I AM SURE TO RAMBLE AND JUMP THRU TIME. FORGIVE THE ADDICT IN ME AND JUST FEEL MY WORDS, IF YOU WILL.
I AM NOW IN ATLANTA,GA. I HAVE LEFT EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE I HAVE KNOWN UP TO THIS POINT IN MY LIFE. MY GOD IS GUIDING ME AND PROTECTING ME ON THIS JOURNEY.I HAVE BEEN ALIVE FOR 37 YEARS, BUT TRULY HAVE NOT LIVED. I INTEND ON SPENDING THE NEXT 37,GOD WILLING, LEARNING HOW TO LIVE. I FEEL NOW. I RECOGNIZE FEELINGS I HAVE. SOMETIMES I EVEN UNDERSTAND THEM. THAT ALL ALONE IS A MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR ME. GOD HAS BLESSED ME OVER AND OVER. HE HAS AT TIMES HAD TO DRAG ME KICKING AND SCREAMING DOWN THIS
ROAD JUST TO GET ME TO MY NEXT ONE. BUT WITHOUT FAIL HE GETS ME THERE. SO SINCE I AM STARTING THIS NEW JOURNEY, I THOUGHT I MIGHT SHARE A LITTLE AS I GO.I HAVE NEVER LET PEOPLE CLOSE TO ME. I GAVE JUST ENOUGH OF ME, THE REST I WOULDNT SHARE. NOW I AM GETTING TO KNOW ME AND THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN TO TAKE A FEW FOLKS WITH ME. PUT YOUR SEATBELT ON AND FOLLOW AT YOUR OWN RISK CAUSE I HAVE BEEN PROMISED WHATS TO COME AND ALREADY KNOW ITS GOING TO BE A HELL OF A RIDE.ONE DAY AT A TIME OFCOURSE!!!

5 days into treatment I wrote this. I thought it was about the people around me until 4 weeks into treatment. It shook my entire being when I realized it was about me.

Here I sit among the wounded.
wounds so clumsily closed
here I sit
wounds ready to be openly exposed
here I sit
hearing cries of pain, so full of guilt and shame
here I sit
smelling the scent of fear. fear of somehow being healed,somehow being whole
here I sit
touching the very spirit of this,hot to the touch,burning to be known
here I sit among the wounded
here I sit with this mirror,alone.